I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
