I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
