someone get that fucking seahorse.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize