You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
