we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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