It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
