Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
