some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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