walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
