In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize