I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
