bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
