i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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