I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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