If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
