I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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