I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize