My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
