I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
