He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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