All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
