I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
