were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
