Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
