you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
