everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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