is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
