He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
