I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
