I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
please come you make the beer taste better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
