He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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