3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
