he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
