you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
