Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
