I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
