There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
