how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
