i think my tv is drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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