Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize