Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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