there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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