My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
