and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
