he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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