OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I faked an abortion last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
