ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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