I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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