Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
