I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
