She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
