I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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