Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
