there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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