Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
