The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
