I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
