the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize