omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
