Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
