so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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