You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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