Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize