dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I have vodka in my lungs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
