I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
