i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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