You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
