last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
