Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
