I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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