You just made me feel so damn special
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
