Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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