This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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