um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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