I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't turn off my feet"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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